Thursday, July 30, 2009

THE JOAN RIVERS ROAST - COMING TO COMEDY CENTRAL 8/9


JOAN Rivers has had endless plastic surgeries, and her fellow comics didn't let her forget it during a Comedy Central roast in LA the other night, The Post's Mandy Stadtmiller reports. "You're like Robo-Cop, you're half-human and nobody's given a [bleep] about you since 1986," Greg Giraldo told Rivers. "You actually have a lot in common with Michael Jackson. You both spent thousands of dollars to look like the Crypt Keeper. You're both more popular now that you're dead."

Jeffrey Ross continued: "Joan had a difficult choice to make, whether to do this roast or be the fifth celebrity to die this month . . . Who's your plastic surgeon? Tim Burton? Oh my God, Kanye's mom had a better plastic surgeon. Look at her, she's a cougar. Freddy Cougar!" And quipped Brad Garrett, "Joan has [bleep]ed more old Jews than Bernie Madoff."

Tom Arnold cracked on Rivers' late husband, who took his own life 12 years ago. "Joan can be a bit of a perfectionist," Arnold said. "When she read her husband's suicide note, she sent it back for a rewrite."

He continued, "Say what you want about Joan Rivers, but she's an icon and a real diva, which by the way is what they call a c--t when she's still sitting in the room."

Even buttoned-up Donald Trump got in on the raunchy. In a videotaped message, the Apprentice boss said he was happy to announce his most ambitious project: "The Joan Rivers Facial and Body Renovation."

"I promise you that no expense will be spared in your reconstruction," The Donald said. "We'll tent you, fumigate you and, if necessary, send in a Hazmat team to remove all the hazardous material in that toxic pool you call...a vagina!"

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